pollywakeuppy

 Earlier, I watched "the girl who leapt through time" in cinemanila in gateway. I had no expectations for it except for the fact that it was an Anime. Not quite being a fan of Japanese cartoons as a kid, my attraction to anime was discovered only recently. Who could blame me? Back in highschool, anime lovers took it to the extreme by trying to transform themselves into the characters to the point of buying costumes and talking in Japanese. I guess what they saw in the art made them want to flee to that world. To some extent, maybe their life here or in school needs some degree of escaping.

Today, I have renewed respect for Anime lovers. Though, I wont be caught dead dating a cosplaying male, I've learned to appreciate the art and the people who have stood by it. As a small niche, they were not only able to delve into deep philosophical thoughts but they were also able to build on skills such as sketching and animation. I've also marveled at how Japanese could say so much with simple words. One of my dearest friends is actually going to make a thesis out of the art and I applaud him for all the years he dedicated learning about it. It not only shows patience and passion but also strength of character for adhering to the medium despite highschool mockery.

When I found out that the 2006 best anime was brought to the Philippines by Cinemanila, I automatically marked the time and date. I was attracted to it because one, I spent a year in Japan and two, there's nothing like moving art to tell a tale. It was sort of like the storybooks I grew up with. True enough the film exceeded any of my expectations.

The girl who leapt through time tells its story from the eyes of duhh the girl. Makoto is the average Japanese school girl who arrives in class just in time, has a sister who eats her pudding and two friends to play catch with after school. During one of her after hours work in school, she hits a device that allows her to literally leap through time. As the children accept blessings with an innocence to it, Makoto uses her new ability for little selfish deeds. Examples of such are singing all day in the karaoke (one of my favorite scenes), racing her sister to the fridge for the pudding and escaping choices she deems herself unfit for.

But as most stories go, after a few laughs with her time traveling mechanism, she starts to realize the impact her actions make to the balance of things. Even her choice to withdraw from the scene had an effect she may not have been ready to face. When her friend ends up in a place she should have been, she not only realizes she's running out of time leaps but that she has a responsibility to ensuring no one gets hurt. With that being said, the girl who leapt through time leaps from a girl's realization of her impact to the world to a story about friendship.

Beautifully put, I cannot capture every little thing that drew me to the film. When it ended, I felt light. Sarap maging bata. Makoto and her adventures were not stuck in the screen. It was something relate-able. I myself may have leapt to highschool again after being with Makoto for 2 hours. With that, I recommend this for all those who cannot accept their turn of events or cannot face reality in the form of friends leaving for a relationship or a friend falling for the other. More so, I recommend this film for anyone who feels like being a child again.

"It feels so great to be in love", I gushed as I appeared infront of Wiggy, Gino, Prime and Dino in the movie house. The credits for Paris Je t'aime were still rolling and the audience stayed in their seats probably discussing the short they liked the best or still drooling over all the people we met in the past 2 hours. Of all the films I watched in Cinemanila, this one was the only one who left me with a light hearted endearment to it.

Like Love Actually, Paris Je t'aime was a collection of stories taking place in the same time and setting. Also like the former, the film tackled kinds of love ranging from the romantic, the innocent, the old, the unconditional and even the selfish. What separates it though is the French flair as well as the fact that 20 directors each had 5 minutes to create a story. Playing all these stories one after the other allowed the viewer to not only immerse in the beauty of Paris but also to be a part of each scene, to feel the emotions presented and to befriend what would have been mere Parisian strangers.

Earlier, wiggy and I tried to enumerate all the shorts. So that I will never forget all 18 stories, I will list them all here with simple descriptions:

1. Set in Montmarte, a lonely and insecure man meets a woman who literally drops infront of his car
2. Now a fan of Gurinder Chadha, young and innocent, three boys shout remarks at all women who pass by in hopes of getting a girl. One of them notices a veiled girl and rushes to help her when she trips
3. Gus Van Sant of Good Will Hunting, Psycho and Finding Forrester brings us a good looking gay tries to spark a conversation with a Chad Michael Murray look alike
4. An ugly tourist ends up humiliated in the supposedly safe train station. Brought about by the Coen brothers (Producers of Bad Santa)
5. From Brazilian directors Walter Salles and Daniela Thomas, a nanny leaves her baby in a day care center to look after the baby of her boss
6. An old man ends up becoming a hair dresser and an Asian woman becomes a sexy woman on a gown (huwat??)
7. A man is about to leave his wife for his mistress only to discover that his wife is terminally ill. From Isabel Coixet, the director of "my life without me", no wonder it had that sad effect
8. A mother mourns over the death of her son and follows a cowboy to be with him
9. A geeky cute boy claims that his parents met in jail. A delightful story about love between two mimes brought about by french animator and director Sylvain Chomet
10. A young woman (from 8 femme) and an old man talk while walking to Gaspar. From Alfonso Cuaron, the director of Harry Potter 3, Y tu mama tambien, Children of men, wala lang.
11. Maggie Gyllenhaal and drugs
12. A black man is stabbed in the stomach but still manages to invite his rescuer for coffee
13. From Richard LaGravenese, the man who directer Little Princess, Bridges of Madison County (get the picture?), a man finds himself in a sex district with his co-actor! Hilarious conversations
14. Vampires and Elijah Wood (Hobbits?) interact in an "on the lot" sort of way. From the director of the cube.
15. Wes Craven does soft horror with a couple who visits the grave of Oscar Wilde
16. Nathalie Portman and a blind man meet, through repetition grow in a relationship which slowly falls apart.
17. An old couple meets before finalizing their divorce
18. Director of Sideways, Alexander Payne, presents a fat middle aged woman with bad french tours the city of Paris alone.

But of course I have my favorites:

Quais de Seine (2)
As early as the second segment, I was already in tears upon the boy's fascination for the muslim girl and her wisdom for her age. She said "women don't try to look good for others. They look good for themselves", when the boy asked her about her veil. Moreover, "I wear this veil because I choose to as a sign of my religion and my identity. Because of that, I feel great". The past months I have tried to revamp my wardrobe in order to express myself more through it. When I know I look good, I feel great. The short made me realize that even those in veils feel great with their own expression. It's just a matter of perspective.

Bastille (7)
Isabel Coixet made me cry with "Life Without Me" thanks to Wiggy. I should have known she directed the husband who was about to leave his terminally sick wife. In the restaurant where they were supposed to meet, the husband prepares to leave the woman he no longer loved. He claimed to have fallen in love with his mistress for 18 months. When the wife arrived, she cried. The husband thought she knew all along as women's intuition allows them to discover. She hands him the note proving her leukemia. He forgets all his selfishness and takes the wife home. He takes care of her. He did everything he could to make her last days fulfilling including reading to her, bringing her to the movies, and leaving his mistress. When she finally dies in his arms, he realizes that by acting like a man in love, he became a man in love. With that, he mourns over the death of the wife he ALMOST left.

Tour Eiffel (9)
Aesthetically pleasing, a little boy claims his parents met in jail. Afterwards, the audience meets a mime who lives in his own imaginary world. Throughout his day, he gets into trouble by imitating a strong man and ends up in jail. In jail he meets a female mime and they instantly fall in love. An enchanting story about soulmates and finding the person who possesses the exact same quirks, Tour Eiffel, leaves the viewer with lightness and hope.

Pigalle (13)
Richard LaGravenese combines witty dialogue and body language in this segment where the couple goes to the red light district. Again another good idea of the husband, the wife only does it for love. When the husband argues about this, she smartly answers, "what have you done for me for love?" The segment ends with the wife naughtily kissing her husband and telling him "You complain about not being like the way we used to. I for one have never felt better." and she walks away. He follows her lead. I was just inspired to take the initiative and to know when to compromise by giving in and when to answer back.

Père-Lachaise (15)
Wes Craven's couple is not only cute but their conversation reminds me of that in "2 days in Paris". "How can I marry a guy who cannot make me laugh?", the girl realizes and runs off from her advance honeymoon. Poor guy has to prove himself capable but not without the help of Oscar Wilde.

Faubourg Saint-Denis (16)
Though the style has been seen before, I appreciate the experiment. Actress Nathalie Portman meets a blind man who helps her make it to an audition. What follows is a repeated verse of their relationship "You get into your play. I study for my exam. You watch me blah blah. I blah blah. YOu scream. Sometimes for no apparent reason. Sometimes for a reason. Nothing seems to change". And with minimal changes for every cycle, the imagery changes from that of a healthy couple to that of two people growing distant from each other until they no longer stand on the train station's platform or the stairs of a building. I guess I just enjoyed the play with words and images.

Quartier Latin (17)
Any old couple movie that shows them in dialogue filled with repressed feelings and affections will get my heart. Where else would I meet an old man calling his soon to be ex wife "bitch" with love in his eyes. Bittersweet.

14e arrondissement (18)
Last but probably the best, acclaimed director of Sideways Alexander Payne, introduces us to a middle aged fat woman who might as well resemble our mother or an aunt. She is a light hearted character, one that doesn't care about other people's opinions and doesn't mind continuously making mistakes (or is she even capable of being aware of such?) She tells us that she is independent that's why she did not take a tour. She tries to speak in French but her pronunciation and accent scream tourist. Though she is alone, she manages to be cheerful about life. Everyday, she walks around dating herself. At the end of it all, she realizes that she was in love with Paris and Paris in love with her. There is no other way, the whole movie could have been concluded.

I myself enjoy being alone. I feel like I made the right choice watching the film alone. That way I was able to interact with it the most. I clapped when I felt like clapping. I laughed out loud even if nobody else laughed first. I cried every time the film expressed an emotion. If only I could go back to Paris, I would allow myself to immerse to the environment and to capture its beauty on camera . Kudos to Paris Je T'aime for transporting us to that holiday.

 There are certain values and traits that make a person appealing and likeable. When these are found in another, it's easy to gravitate to him or her. It's easy to want to explore what he or she can offer. It's easy to be attracted. The moment a certain level of reciprocation occurs, it then becomes easy to fall in love.

But as easy as it is to succumb to attraction, is the difficulty in opening up. In romantic relationships happiness is overwhelming that any possibility of losing it seem unbearable. Having to reveal the real self, to be vulnerable rocks that boat. To make space for the possibility of rejection, scares people. Because of that, distancing silence fill the gap that should be bridged by bonding. When this gap extends to its maximum, a realization that one doesn't know the other yet occurs. Upon this discovery, it is easier to opt to go separate ways, to preserve what's left of the self, instead of exposing it again to the possibility of rejection. By then "break up" would pop its ugly head.

2 Days in Paris was able to tackle this process and at the same time make the audience experience it from attraction, to love, to fear and finally heartbreak. At the start of the film, we meet Julie Delphy, (the narrator, writer and actor) who is happily dating Adam Goldberg. The couple goes to Paris, the city where our heroine grew up. They stay at Julie's apartment conveniently above her parent's house where Adam interacts with them for the first time. As he continues making the effort to get to know his girlfriend better, we find ourselves falling in love with their witty conversations and laughing our hearts out with the turn of mundane events. On my part, I made a mental note to find a guy who I could talk to with such derogatory affection and who can humor me with complaints and out of this world remarks. After all, should I want to be in a relationship, I just wanted what Julie Delphy and Adam Goldberg had.

But there will always be a tension when alienation is felt. Julie Delphy opening herself, her home and her family, to Adam Goldberg also gave way to misunderstanding and miscommunication. This was most made obvious by her ability to speak french fluently and him not understanding a word she said. Moreover, it was carried on in his lack of knowledge for her past flings and french friends making him open to suspicions. Seeing her in the light where she was most comfortable also meant not being on the same page and possibly losing faith of everything he believed before the experience. Watching him give in to jealousy or silence his negative emotions made me continuously pray that he still accept her regardless of that. Because if he did not, then most of my romantic beliefs would be shattered. The moment he stops adoring her, is a moment my pessimistic generalizations would win against my hopeful ideas on love.

When he finally goes to Julie baring his soul, Julie feels fear. Like most threatened creatures, she attacks by being the first to break up with him. By then, feelings of regret and longing gush into my system as tears fall from my face. "There comes a time when the heart can no longer handle a break up", she said. What follows is Adam Goldberg making funny faces and the couple dancing outside a Parisian restaurant. My pessimistic self understood it as Julie regressing to her own world and imagining herself enjoying Paris with Adam the way they did not seem to through those two days. I remembered how it felt to want something so badly that imagination takes its course in trying to provide it. Because of that, I found myself in more tears. I felt like I lost a pilar of strength and joy. Whether I liked it or not, I too was heartbroken.

 Everyone has a first love. If they don't, they just might not remember it. And if so, Muhksin is the best way to travel back to a time when kite flying, bike riding and rough games were played by boys and girls.

Last sunday, I went up to the theaters to find a long line. Still I opted to watch thinking the film weighed more than the wait. Mukhsin after all had just won best ASEAN film. Also, wouldn't it be nice comparing other Asian cultures with that of ours? Thus, I lined up and walked into a pitch black theater. The film had just begun.

The first thing I noticed was that it was a children's film. Chubby and very brusko, Orked looks like a girl taken from any private gradeschool in the country. The second thing I noticed is the usual singing scene Asians tend to squeeze into their films. While the group was singing to a familiar melody, Orked's mother pulls her into the rain and they dance. Though such behavior shocks the neighbors (mga chismosang mapanlait na kapitbahay), they continue dancing and enjoying themselves. It made me want to dance in the rain as well.

Then ofcourse, there's Mukhsin. How they met won my heart instantly. Orked is the type of girl who chooses to hide than play with the girls. I wouldn't blame her. As a kid who grew up with lego and playing tag in Our School (in my batch, we were only 2 girls), I also did not enjoy kikay toys. Or maybe I didn't since I was never bought an expensive barbie or any toy that resembled a salon. Nevertheless, it really is better being alone than playing bride and groom.

However, Orked was forced to socialize with her neighbors especially since Malaysians also had closely knit barrios. She then leaves the girls to find out what the boys were doing. Mukhsin, one of the new boys, loses a teammate. The others volunteer Orked saying she's tougher than most guys. Mukhsin tries to scare her my threatening to hit her and she just nods her head with a bring-it-on face. (Alam nyo un? Yung mukhang nanghahamon? Cool they do that in Malaysia too!) Mukhsin hits her with a ball and turns around asking the guys why they told him she was tough when clearly she wasn't. Right about that moment, a ball hits Mukhsin from the back! Buti nga!

What followed may be the cutest friendship ever! It brought everyone back to the time when friends come over unannounced and drag each other out of the house. It was even reminiscent of then when friends were happy not doing anything just as Mukhsin and Orked waste away afternoons sitting on top of the tree. Now that I feel like my friends and I go out for the sake of an event and not to spend time with each other, I found myself allured with the feeling of being happy just because.

Beyond enjoying a second childhood through the film, I also couldn't help but notice the closeness of Malaysians to us. They point with their mouths! (It was so funny!) They also have Chinese schools.They have chismosa kapitbahays who have nothing better to do and nosy epal girls who feast on the misfortunes of others. Moreover, the quality of relationships are also very Filipino (or maybe they're universal, I just happened to link theirs to ours. I dont know)

Mukhsin goes beyond a story of first loves to that of relationships. Orked's parents resemble companionship coupled by an eternal ligawan stage. Orked's neighbors on the other hand show a failed marriage complete with a dolled up kerida. Then at the end, the film opens up the possibility of found love different from that of the soul mates'. By then, I instantly found tears in my eyes not because it reminded me of anyone but because it presented the raw truth. As much as Muhksin brought me back to childhood, it also made reality hit me as hard.

It's been a month since I packed my bags, said goodbye to my family and flew in to Singapore. In my head, I still feel like I'm planning my despedida and announcing to the world that I'm to embark on a new adventure. Reading back to my first day of work in 2008, I realize how big the difference was between my move to Makati and my move to Singapore. The independence I thought I'd earn here was within me all along. 

I had tightly a month since the job offer and my resignation. Looking back at the series of events before the offer, everything seemed to lead to uprooting myself from the comforts of home. By April, I was able to enjoy a few days with my family bracing the waters of Cagayan and climbing the mountains of Bukidnon with ATV. I also had a chance to be with my barkada given the wedding last April 9. By May, I met Victor's cousins in Star City where his nephew was celebrating his birthday. That was the night before I officially handed over my resignation. I remember sitting in the park with him, wishing time would move slower. He's the only regret I have about moving countries. 

Wednesday morning, at 6am, I loaded three big bags, a laptop bag and 5 grocery bags into the car. These were to be the belongings I'll bring to my new home. The plan was to eat breakfast in Makati with the family, text mom when I see my name in the attendance (she's forever paranoid) and have my parents sign the contract and bring the bags up to the condo unit. That night we were to meet at 730 for dinner. The morning plan went smoothly. Around afternoon, things started to fall apart first with my dependable cellphone battery. HR returned my BPI form asking for another ID. Apparently, BPI does not accept school ID's anymore. I had to text my mom to ask her to go home and get my "important papers" folder. I had photocopies of my SSS and NBI there. I could submit those. By then it was around 2pm and there were 2 bars left on my batt. I turned it off after texting my mom warning her about my lack of batt and agreeing to meet them at 730 in Gloria Jeans.

By 5 training had finished. I walked with Rytus to Glorietta. I decided to walk in the area but my new shoes were killing my feet. It had already managed to carve 3 wounds per foot. To top it all off, I did not have money anymore! I ended up in Powerbooks reading an allegory. By the time the prince met the slave girl, I couldn't help but feel that the book sort of lacked the genuine vibe. I decided it was time to move on. I walked around again but ended up going to Gloria Jeans earlier than expected. I used the remaining of my batt to text my parents and waiting there. It was humiliating sitting without buying but I did not have a choice. Either that or more pain from walking.

When they finally arrived, I pleaded my case. I was tired, hungry and in pain. Mama agreed to buy new shoes for me. We looked for a shoe store in G3, I got a pair of black sandals and we headed to buy curtains, bedsheets and a fan before eating dinner. We went to landmark got all three items and looked for a restaurant to eat in. Lo and behold, the choices were full. Yes, this was life in makati! It was hard because for some reason everybody was suddenly irritable. Deep inside, I just wanted to settle down and sleep. To top it off, I realized that we did not have the new shoes with us! I had to run to the store before it closes to ask if it was left there. Thank God it was. At that moment, I really felt like crying. It was too much to bear. But I bounced back and told myself that smiling was the least I can do after everything my parents are undergoing with my new life. With that, I didn't order my own dish in Cabalen to help with the cross cutting

However, after dinner, the tempers did not subside. In fact, the tempers reached the condo unit. I told them that if they were going to bring negative vibes to my room, then they could leave. I wasn't in the mood anymore. I could already sleep in the bare mattress. When the tempers were gone, they blessed the place and left me. It was a relief finally having time on my own. Problem was the silence ended up to be deafening. I still had to unpack. I was also scared because I kept creating noises and looking at dark corners trying to catch anything that lurks in the shadows. Finally, I got my mp3 player and tuned in to 80's music. It seemed to do the trick as all the fears vanished. I could unpack in peace. After settling down, I placed the mattress on the bed, took a shower and slept.

Morning came but the light that entered my room stayed the same. City lights at night equaled the little sunlight that peeped through my windows. Thank God for Victor's wake up call else, I might have slept again. I dressed up, ate breakfast and left a little earlier to give myself getting lost time. I was also in slippers so as not to kill my feet. Guess what, I found my way to RCBC easily!

After the training, I went to Glorietta to meet up with Mell and errands. I needed to replace the curtains and buy two more. Again it was hell because the curtains ended up being heavy! To add to that, there was a Sean Kingston free concert. The place was packed with people. We ended up talking in the food court about careers. Mell just came from an interview and received an offer then and there. Sonny joined us after a while. Going home, he accompanied my to the jeep and carried to evil heavy curtains. We went down in RCBC, bought dinner in KFC and he walked me home. I had dinner infront of the laptop, watching Juno. After dinner, I decided to choose mu clothes for the next day. While closing the sliding cabinet mirror, the door got detached. Consumed with not wanting to incur expenses AGAIN, I tried to put it back. The mirror nearly fell on my had my back not been there to take the fall. I tried to attached it again till finally, I succeeded! That was an episode! I finished my other chores, took a bath and read Twilight. I would have finished that night but I knew I would never survive the third day with little sleep. I closed the laptop and dosed off.

Yesterday, I found a new way to the office. It was the easiest so far! I ended up taking more time though. However, I'm not sure if that's because I had a longer route or because I walked in heels. This was the worst choice I made so far! After leaving the building, I had to walk back to the condo to get my laundry before heading north. I wanted to make it in time for Jun but I didn't. Moreover, midway my walk, I heard something rip. I thought I broke my shoe. Unfortunately, I actually ripped a blister developing on the soles of my feet! It hurt to walk back and I think I tripped a few times too. Heels and uneven ground never meshed well.

When I got to the condo, I immediately took off the shoes. With my slippers and bag, I left to discover an easy way to get to the MRT. I rode a jeep with an MRT sign. There was traffic so I decided to go down thinking Glorietta was close. I could surely walk. I was in slippers after all. Smart move! I was in the middle of Makati Avenue! I had no idea how far Ayala Ave I was. I walked, crossed a street, walked and found myself in Madarin hotel. I eventually saw Paseo de Roxas but did not know which would lead me close or farther away. I was still lost so I decided to follow the lights of Shangrila Makati. After a few minutes, I was in familiar territory but too far from the MRT. I was tired.

The MRT did not help at all. By 8, the place was still packed with people. Some even resorted to cutting the line to get in earlier. I looked at them and noticed that not all make the choice of getting the easy way out. With that, I thanked myself to not succumbing to temptation. When I finally got to the train, it was a typical rush hour set up. Somewhere in the middle of it, I lost the pole I was holding on to. When the train stopped, I could have balanced myself but an avalanche of people dropped to my left. I ended up holding on to a girl for balance. I smiled at her and apologized. She smiled back and said she understood. The girl to my other side also made small talk about how hard the MRT is. With that, I realized that sometimes, life does give you pearls in oceans. The hassles of riding the train diminished by .000000000001!

Before I knew it, I survived the getting lost, the walk, the blisters and the taxi to AC's house. Before I knew it, I was with friends. Today, I spent it at home. The rip on my sole ended up to be greater than expected. I couldn't apply pressure on it, thus, I couldn't walk. So much for wearing heels in Makati. Living Sex and the City style may not have been breezy as Carrie Bradshaw's stride.

First week of work was more like the first week of school. We had a three day orientation, group dynamics and lunches out. Its all a blur now since everyday we went to the training room at 9am. Talks and breaks proceeded after.

In my first day, last Wednesday, my parents brought me to work. We left the house at 6am and went to Pancake house for breakfast. Sometime between eating, I got a text from Roy with first day goodlucks. We agreed to meet when I get there should I want company. Quarter to 9, I gave my ID to the guard and used the elevator to climb the 34th floor. When I reached the training room, there were people inside, yes, but the place was silent! DEAD SILENT! I texted Roy to join me. I couldn't take the deafening tone. Before I knew it, mr. personality was at the door with another batchmate, Rytus. What's funny is that he greets every person who passes by. Looks like someone's making alot of friends.

When training started, I wanted to do the same. It's a completely new world for me, similar to Miriam HIghschool, and either I try to go out of my shell or stay in it forever. Obviously, I forced myself to be friendly at least. I liked our facilitators. The girls were pretty at the very least. For some reason, the HP crowd looked alot like the Ateneo crowd, a better looking crowd than the average. After that was a series of getting-to-know-you's and human bingo. I finished the card, but wasn't the first to do so. I wonder why some people don't just sign in human bingo. Hindi ba you just finish the card for the sake of it? After that were talks till lunch. Lunch time, I texted Roy for lunch. With him, Rytus and Jan, my seatmate, the four of us went to Enterprise. Apparently, this is where yuppies eat lunch. At Enterprise, we found the fresh-grads of our training group situated in a long table. We joined in. Again, Roy managed to get a Mira, a girl from UST, to recognize him from his IBM OJT and this other UST guy to recognize him from an accenture event. Funny. After lunch, we headed back to Robinson's Summit. The rest of the day contained talks and GDs.

The second day was almost similar. There were more talks though. Somehow, the talk on appraisal scared me. If truth be told, I feel as though I am not equipped to last in the company. I just don't have enough skills in IT. With all the risks I've taken these past days, I don't think I can afford to get fired so easily. But I couldn't help feeling apprehensive. Lunchtime of the second day, I told Victor, I had a feeling of impending doom. I still plan to give what I can but somehow, I feel as though that won't measure up. He wouldn't hear it, the same way I don't believe him when he starts fretting over not getting a job. How could I? Jonats and him have been working their asses off in finding a company. Why else were they in Makati at lunch that day?

The last day was a little more interesting. We were informed about IT tools, rules and branding of HP. I listened intently, seeing the importance of the topics. The speaker of the rules was also my manager. After that he approached me and told me the team wanted to meet me after the training. I was to go up to the 35th floor with Cris, this other girl from UST. He said the paddles were ready. I liked him. He had a sense of humor. Lunch time, we all united to eat at Enterprise. I found a 45php meal!! Sometime with the same price as school food would be the best option. The prices in Makati are terrible. A 22php C2 bottle costs 38 there! Imagine! I should shop at 7-11 and bring my own drinks to HP. After lunch, we had the final talks, named our batch and took a picture. I was fortunate enough to have a one on one talk with an HP employee who has been working there for more than a year. I told him I was apprehensive with my level of skill. Compared to the others I was most underdeveloped. He told me college had no bearing. I would be trained anyway. It was sort of reassuring, but somehow I feel as though I left out information to make him say that I'll survive the company. After that, we had an hour with the big people of the company. Questions were asked about how they do things in HP. I did not have a lot of questions. I was after all new to the workforce. The program extended by 30 minutes.

Cris and I climbed to the 35th floor. At first, we had a little trouble with the guard. Our manager was not on the floor and Cris' contact person could not be found either. We decided to stay for a while. It would reflect badly on us if we just left after agree-ing to visit the office. Besides, where would we go on Monday without meeting our teams? As most things end up well, the guard found Cris' contact and he introduced himself to us. He went inside again and brought out a mestiza girl, Kat. Kat approached me and introduced herself. She told me they had been waiting for three months already. She ushered me inside where in the first blocks of tables the whole team flocked. I couldn't help but smile. They even had a nickname for me "Lala". This cute chinese girl, Bevs, approached me and introduced herself as my new bestfriend. She was ecstatic that another girl was on board. I liked her instantly. Unassuming, simple and makulit. Before I knew it, I was introducing myself and meeting the guys of the team. It was like being with the Berch boys or my cousins on a good trip. Mahirit, makapal but fun nevertheless. With all my fears and insecurities about how I'd fare in the company. I suddenly wanted to make it good so badly! How could I pass off  chance of working with people I instantly liked and admired? If not for myself why not for them? Of the three days, only at that moment did I feel welcomed to HP.

Its easy to dream.

When I was in highschool, I always thought that in college I'd be driving a car. I'd be driving it to the point of barging into DLSU armed with props only my cheesy sentimental self could think of. When i was in college, I told myself that the first thing I'll do is move out of the house and live independently. Used to relying on my parents, I badly need to prove to myself that I'm capable of independent life. After all, I also assumed I'd be working with a whooping salary and independent life's expenses were not that high. Sometime before graduation, I realized that living away meant not saving so I told myself that I'd shift to commuting. How bad could a 20 minute train ride to Makati be? ;-)

It's hard to actualize a dream

Before college, I acquired a license. My plan had worked! However, there were two blows of reality  that brought me down. First, was the selling of our other car. Driving therefore meant being the family driver ready to absorb all the tense driving criticisms of parents and endless errands. The criticisms were enough to deflate my plans of cruising the metro. Second, was the whole reason for embarking towards Manila. As much as I planned events, the core of the event, the person to be visited, disappeared from my life. (I killed him and threw the corpse in Manila Bay >:) ) Before I knew it I was slowly learning to commute.

Last week, I started practicing. First day, amidst the summer heat, I went back and forth to Katipunan for errands. Second day, I traveled to Makati. It was another adventure as I expected to ride a comfortable FX. When I reached the terminal, I was told that the last of the vans left an hour ago. Lost in thought, I hurriedly jumped into a jeep and dropped myself at the Quezon Avenue MRT. By the time we reached the Cubao stop, the MRT was packed with sweaty people! Turns out, it doesnt matter if a person enters the MRT at an earlier stop, at the end of it all, human sweat will mix into the air and everybody alights haggard looking! By the end of that day, I knew my commuting dreams were down the drain. I was stuck with a job I wanted, in the only place I wanted to work in, with no means of getting there. How could distance be such a large factor.

By then, it was finally decided that I HAD to find a condo else endure the hassle of going back and forth. Consequently, my performance would also be affected since I'd be too tired to give my all and I'd be worrying about Commonwealth at dark! Then yesterday, my family and I ventured towards Makati to condo-hop. It was an experience I did not expect as each place held its possibility and each price also dictated which could still be a choice. The debate was between an uber small unfurnished room in an old building or an expensive furnished room in a hotel-ish condominium. The first entailed the best location with a downside at the living space. The second entailed a carpeted floor and a bath tub with a longer walk, a higher price and pressure on finding roommates to split the bill with. By then, I kept texting Marj and Kenji describing to them the choices. Nevertheless, I would be shouldering two months rent while waiting for them by June!

Earlier, we returned to West of Ayala, the building with a lobby that resembled that of a hotel's. We visited two units. The first was an unfurnished one bedroom unit. It felt like entering a bare hotel room. It was so big I felt like we could fit a large party in it! After that, the broker brought us to the roofdeck to check the pool and the gym. By then, I knew I really had to live there!  DEATH ANG GANDA! Then we met up with the owner of the other choice from the previous day. She was a simple old woman whose skin red like sunburn. She was nice. The condo unit she showed us was quaint. It was pretty though I did not like the curtains too well. Only a few hours later did I opt to not change them for blue curtains may bring the spirit of the blue school that launched us. Before I knew it, we were taking the unit and raving at how pretty the condo is.

Around afternoon time, I joined  my parents to the grocery. We bought all sorts of basic necessities for the condo. It was fun thinking I'd have to fend for myself. At the back of my mind though I can't help but realize HINDI AKO MARUNONG MAGLUTO!! Moreover, my mom was doing her thing again! She wants to bless the place, etc, etc. She even forbade me to have individual male guests coz the guards may talk and I'd end up getting a reputation! oh well, I guess I'll be behave for the meantime. Might be busy with adjusting to HP anyway.

And there it goes. In a span of 2 days, I decided to take the condo life even if it means less savings and decided upon which condo to live in. I've secured my roomies who may have been surprised by my sudden actions. And like a flick of a wand, I'm facing so much change in so little time. It's scary in a way. Similar to dreaming of something and facing risks of disappointment in the process of actualizing it. Who would have guessed I'll leave home at 22? Is it young or am I already overstaying anyway? I don't know. I feel as though I'm still a child. Up until earlier, growing up had such an impact.

I was in the open air! There was a creek beside us and a horizon of tall grass. But the air was thickening and the pressure increasing. I fought for breath but the struggle continued. How was it possible that the one thing I awaited was at that moment killing me? I've been too long detached from that possibility, too long alone. When a window towards a possibility open up to pure bliss, it brings with it all the memories of a heart broken one too many times. As though by automatic mode, barriers shoot up covering a soul that yearns only for solace.

It couldn't have been a better day. Good nights and good morning greetings you are reminiscent of the younger me, the one who knew how to handle these things. It had been a blooming week. It's always blooming to find the self indulging in the other. I experience the other everyday. It's just that not everyday do I get to find an intellectual/emotional bond. Perhaps because sometimes another soul mirrors the poetry, the sadness and the stubborn will to continue of she who is but so familiar. Perhaps also, a caliber of similar experience lays ground for empathy and respect. To meet again meant the comfort of that presence. At the same time, entailed energy and vibrations. I couldn't wait.

True enough, the afternoon was one of tambay and laughter. It was really funny how our absent mindedness brought us to a 2 block hike around the university. In a quest to find shoes, I ended up stumbling on mine a couple of times. Like a knight, he held on to my arm to stop me from falling. It was weird because we came to the shoes in an energetic way but upon his request, we walked in silence for three minutes. I struggled to ease the awkwardness of the empty space and ended it early on. Perhaps he could be the one to teach me to be comfortable in the silence. We continued walking with light hearted conversations, took a rest a few meters away from the car and shared stories about why we ended up where we were.

When we came back, the group was too busy to notice our arrival. We moved to the next shooting place where you took an umbrella to shield you from the sun. I followed as the light of day pierced through my skin. We sat on a rock as our friends crossed feet long grass to reach the ruins behind Vargas Museum. There was a creek beside us and butterflies flew around the flowers. It had been a while since I sat with nature. Nothing could have complemented it more than philosophical conversations. We discussed effort, how people with it shine and how the world is framed by it. Then he told me about destiny, about the importance of risk taking in the chances missed.

He told me he had been thinking. I then entered into a sad note. I had always associated thinking to pre-break up season in which the boyfriend starts assessing the relationship, the impact of the girlfriend and its place in his life. 3 out of 3 times, this thinking has lead to painful ends. I shared it almost summoning the tear ducts to move. We then agreed that thinking should be done at all times so as to prevent such instances.

Open to sharing, he told me about the realization of not dwelling in the what ifs. Dwelling in it makes one ultimately lose the starting point. When it came to risking and losing, it was better to opt for the risk. Before I knew it, I was hearing the words "I like you" and all the reasons preventing the push (reasons that have crossed my mind a couple of times). Before I knew it, the whole world was closing in on me. At the moment when finally I hear everything I hope from you, I choke and find myself falling into fear.


By instinct, I used the umbrella to cover my face from our friends. Perfect timing they suddenly headed back to where we were. Finally I said "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry" then I rested my head on his shoulder as though saying "don't believe what I say, I'm leaning on you now". Before I knew it, we were forced to feign normalcy. Before I could even adjust completely, my mom arrived. In my hanging state, all I could do is hope that maybe I could make it work this time.

If there's one thing to learn about the life of Joseph the dreamer, it would be his openness to change. Once a favorite son of his father, he was sold to the Egyptians as a slave. He worked for Pontiphar (forgive my mistakes in names, I'm recalling it lang) and due to his diligence and trustworthiness, he ended up managing the house of his master. That was until the wife tried to seduce him and blamed him for it. So he ended up in prison where after a while, he managed the whole yard! Later on he was brought to the Pharoah to work for him. Only to dream about the bounty and the famine. Because of his advice, Egypt prospered. Had Joseph sulked upon every misfortune, he never would have reached as far. Maybe that kind of outlook is something all should adapt in their lives.

With the LS defense done, I did not feel like making plans. True, I was still suffering from the sniffles but my spirit needed any form of relaxation. After lunch with friends, I stayed in school relishing mundane moments in Matteo. Good thing I did because after that, I ended up going to Ukay Ukay with Lizet. I got a dress for 150php. Only upon going home did i realize what it meant to bend to the situation.

On my way home, I was surprised to see not only the absence of the jeeps but the demolished Maynilad Water entrance. That was when I realized that I missed my stop! By 6 pm, tricycles transported people from tandang sora to commonwealth. Honestly, I'm not used to commuting at that time nor do I know any other way to reach commonwealth. I couldn't panic obviously since I had no one to panic to. So, I sat there and waited for the jeep's last stop. When it did stop, I was infront of a Philcoa jeep which could lead me back to my way. I hopped inside knowing I was taking the longer route (mygod! magiging 1hour 30 minutes ung journey home ko!) Good thing I did because I happened to evesdrop on two UP seniors talking about HP! Funny. The girl was also accepted and she'd start on April. It took all my self control to not butt in the conversation and say "OMG! magiging officemates tayo!". 

I guess around that time, I took a moment to thank God for making a pattern out of my plans. Had I not missed the stop, I would be riding a tricycle on the dusty side path. That would not only have been a bumpy ride but it would have killed my eyes! It would have also made my fever return. Moreso, had I not ridden the long cut, I wouldn't have realized how imminent after school life is. The girl in the jeep may be one of my friends in the near future. I tried looking at her face so as to remember it by April. Lastly, due to my evesdropping, I finally know how to reach JG summit without the tedious walk from the MRT! yay! Goodbye stressed looking commuter me!